This is a random post. Sorry for blanking my blog for too long. I didn’t ignore it; I was drafting and deleting and so on.
I would like to talk about the aborted posts:
[A Morning for Beginner]
My first wake-up in Boston (accurately in my sister’s rented house) did surprised me. “Oh! This is not the room I used to sleep in. ” In my bedroom in Taiwan, the sunlight, pretty fierce in summer, shot directly on my face in the morning. (In Taiwan) Wake up at 8:00 a.m., wash and brush, grab breakfast, and leave my house at 9:30 a.m. for Tae Kwon Do practice at 10:20 a.m. , or for dates and exhibitions (yeh! artsy).
Just a morning reminded me how different my chosen life had become.
In the certain morning I realized that I AM studying abroad.
I let go of the ideal Taiwanese-post-teen life and ran to a place that I thought I would feel confortable and confident with, while I cannot tell which life would better for me.
Many people’ve asked me “Why you decided to go abroad?” and frankly that’s a pretty annoying (to me) and normal (generally considered) question.
Because everything came from a stupid (but may be unnecessarily useful in some way) green card, or residency.
I cannot understand why so many people desire for the States in general, and I do not like the States (nor hate). Sarcastically I became “an eligible US-resident”, an identity millions dying for, when I was about 15. [My aunt married a Chinese with citizenship, and my family clung to it, period.] My mother arranged me to a public high school in Quincy, when my aunt took care of me. For that reason I dropped my 9th grade in Taiwan, when everyone was preparing for the high school entrance exam (9 years of mandatory education in Taiwan only).
“Shit! ” That’s all I thought. A little bit happy of skipping the exam, and shit.
Unlike those who look for the BRIGHT, FREE, HUMANE, and HOPEFUL education in the States (or anywhere abroad), I didn’t feel an excitement or anticipation. I was a ENVOY for residency, period.
And after 4 months I went back to Taiwan, what the hell?
I got Taipei First Girls High School. Fine.
I was asked again to go to a US College in high school year for the same stupid reason. (Well actually I haven’t felt very miserable or cynical, but I know I have enough reason to do so if I want to. It was just an arrangement, not killing.) Thought claiming that “I admire American architecture thus DETERMINE to study in US Colleges” does not hurt me, I still feel sort of something. That is, the outcome might be the same after all; it was about the mainstream of my motivation in general.
OK, I ended my story.
Now the outcome is I AM IN AMERICA. I AM A STUDENT OF MIT, and I get a 50% off T-pass. (My sister just got 11% off in Boston University.)
So I should confront with the “sunlight attack”!!
(To sis: Hey! I feel sorry right now. So don’t drive on your rage again.)
I aborted this post because it was just a rage.
I went to open an account in BoA with my sister; I know she tried to help me but she didn’t need to translate any single word for me like I was illiterate or deaf. Definitely I am not familiar with finance and bank affairs; I hope to ask the specialists directly rather than being a dependent and pile up as mush as gratitude on my face when somebody arranging ANYTHING for me just to show her capability AND generosity.
After being a dummy for 30 minutes in BoA and opening an account successfully I wore a pretty bad face and shut my mouth with utmost wisdom. Then the disaster came. She asked me why I made face and I goddamn told her that she made me feel uncomfortable.
DAMN! Then the rage came.
Earlier the day I told her I can actually call MIT and asked for a earlier stay or some sort of help if it turned out that I can’t stay in her house. I said that because I wanted her to understand that everything has a solution and she needed not stress on herself, NOT THAT I DID NOT GRATEFUL OF HER HELP AND REGARDED IT AS UNNECESSARY AND ANNOYING. Damn! She was like rainstorming on our way back to her house. Things like “You live in my house with no gratitude! ” “Rich girl like you who got a bunch of cash from Dad should definitely live in a hotel rather than a shabby old apartment! ”
Holy Shit! She has known me for 18 years or more and she understand my characters. I AM glad for her help but I do not say that every day, like I don’t say “XOXO Daddiiiii” with a big hug every day. I don’t want to wear such gratitude every time I speak to her, or it is necessary if I am on the spot receiving her help.
I was sorry at some extent because I’ve known her for 18 years and I know her. Frankly our personalities just don’t fit; if we were not sisters we would not even be friends. But she is my sister. While, maybe I should feel very sorry since obviously it is her to make me sit in a air-conditioned room and writing a blog by my sweety MacBook 13 days before the orientation.
Ahh!! 1:40 a.m.