Antisocial

It’s doesn’t mean that I have any problem of making friends (maybe kind of), but my mental status (?).

Remember during orientation I told Laura D. (there are at least three Laura froshes that I know lol) that I was actually antisocial, while ironically I was then really (trying?) to be social. Cuz it was time to meet new people! I tried (yep, tried) to ask people’s name and introduce myself, and kind of working on longer conversations. Though I am outgoing and feel like doing crazy stuffs every day all the time, I am at some point (or at some time) really antisocial.

During FAP and Orientation, I push myself to the public at some extent. To think back, I might just aspire for friends. I need friends, as some one said on a yellow notebook (which may be my graduation present); I aspire for friends. Like dancing, having friends around may be a source of confidence, (social) safety or a sense of belonging.

I tried hard to live (mentally) independently. I don’t want to cater or play up to …… (sorry, I just check the words in dictionary; those words are not that accurate…..) I should say, break up my living discipline for trivial social issues.

Of course I got some friends, or a moderate (but not many) amount of acquaintances (It would be insane to have no friends until now haha!)

The antisocial syndrome, I guess, started when orientation ends and girls started running for sonority recruitment (I didn’t know many of my friends ran it until the last day of the recruitment lol. ) During those 4-5 days, I either hung out with my sister or staying in my dorm doing lame stuffs (including afternoon nap lol).

Those days I was alone, which is not bad, and gradually felt comfortable of being alone. I mean, I kind of failed on being social (believe it or not, I always do.), so if being along was what I decided to do, it would be better than LEFT alone.

Maybe it is kind of a culture shock. I don’t know, or don’t understand, the (spontaneous) way that Americans (sorry, it’s inappropriate but by far the most accurate word in my vocabulary) make friends with one another. I don’t understand some jokes, or even the words (which I definitely should know =  =”) they’re talking about. Sometimes I didn’t say a word among a group of people not because I don’t know how to say, but I just don’t feel like chatting on the topics.

In high school I make (better) friends only when I identify her (yeah…… mostly her) personalities, or her first impression is good to me. I am always picky on friends, since I understand there is no reason for me to hang out with people I (even slightly) don’t like. Talking with someone I don’t like (sometimes without any reason, just intuition) like a friend is always unendurable to me.

And one of the reasons I was so demanding on friends is that I did (and do) have good and prospectively permanent friendships.

Ok, after such annoying nagging, here comes the reason why I write this blog.

I DON’T WANT TO BE SERIOUSLY ANTISOCIAL, BUT I NOTICED THAT I AM POTENTIAL TO BE.

After school started, I spent most of my time in the dorm except lecture time; I was even reluctant to talk with people. Before I was active in the social circle, while I am stepping away from any social circumstance. I become passive, which in general is not a bad thing. IT’S NOT BAD, so I retreated more and more.

Till now I still don’t think it is bad. It’s just a period of time. Once in a while a person should be with himself/ herself.

Just don’t know when it will over. Just a little bit worried.

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4 comments
  1. Debbie said:

    hmm..now I worry about myself too….haha
    if you are not social,then I’d be the most shy person in the world..

    haha..I also worry that I don’t and can’t understand American jokes….

    i know you will do fine! you always have way more friends than me =)
    wish me good luck at Caltech!!
    yeah

  2. Jennifer said:

    Hey Angerla
    I suppose that you know who I am…

    During these days, I am in the same situation as yours.
    But don’t worried. Everything will be fine.(I wish)

    By the way, this is my address

    3F No.7 Alley 45 Lane 81
    Tun Hua S. Road Sec. 2
    Taipei
    106 Taiwan

    I need yours,too. >_<!

  3. 短毛珺 said:

    拍拍!!!
    王映人阿,我說阿,我真的他媽的想妳!!!!!
    好想念畢業前最後兩個月,讓我認識了你、小方、陳冠瑋、江佳蓁、李敬、江欣樺、蝗蟲尾屁哩啪啦ㄧ群人,當然還包括跟黃伊凡變超熟
    真是想念阿,在圖書館的小房間每人一台電腦趕著畢冊,我瘋狂抓頭想配樂,你在趕稿大暴走,還有我們想得那些超隱諱地圖名稱,在那個小房間發生了好多好多有趣的事….那根本是我最後的教室媽XDD

    • yinjwang said:

      可是每次msn我們都聊不起來QoQ

      噢我也他媽的想你:(
      還有妳的記敘文是不是有點太不口語,有點噁欸。

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